It is as if this truth-telling on the hotel pillow of the sleep room acts to cleanse
as if this new one over there were listening to the whisper of explication
how all youth flies true ultimately to make it by this up-vertiginous peak
where meadows bottom and below-down valleys finish-off a view of fresh witness.
Both quiet with intensity after a tang of greeting and now slumbering-out by pills
And you hope to wish to pretend that this darkness in the room truly
bodies-forth the young you at the end of a phone, falling asleep,
to the endearing one, that voice, that sweet and only one.
this makes me think of the movie "up in the air"...the hotel - the phone - the pretending..forever youthful...if we voice it properly....thank you....bkm
ReplyDeletelove this,
ReplyDeleteso beautiful,
you blow me away, ..
bkm,
ReplyDeleteMost Clooney movies are very watchable. He's a real 'star', and I liked that movie greatly. False phone.
I was attuned to my own 'playwright' post a few back, still in my head, and when I started writing this (off an extremely casual remark made to me by someone only casually known), I dug into David Hare's 'Plenty'.
It became a movie in the late 80s, if you're not familiar with it. A more and more disillusioned and destabilized woman ex-spy (Streep in the movie) tries to get back the Romantic combo of life/death excitement and passing sexual liaison. Meets up with that past guy. Ironic copy of an ending . . . for her and for the hopes of the UK!
Trulyfool
Jingle,
ReplyDeleteYou've been ahead of me all day! Thank you for multiple peering!
TFool
I love your site. I had to sit back and watch it - the muses the movie makers
ReplyDeleteA poem - words that speak of two worlds one of the dream and one of reality
Thanks for sharing with One Stop - it's an honor to have you
Please consider submitting to our anthology -
any poem submitter here until the end of the year qualifies
Smiles - MDW
a sense of bitterness and loneliness - pondering on what really is.
ReplyDeleteIntriguing
this is an intriguing verse...i read it last night and find myself back at it...i am not sure what to make of it honestly...but i can see it play out clearly...
ReplyDeleteThis is a stellar piece of writing, Truly. Excuse me, I hear my youth calling. I'm off to twirl and sing..."the hills are alive..."
ReplyDeleteI like the way you've worked with the words, with order, pace and juxtaposition, to make your poem more effective. You're writing about a place that as I age, I often go back to and savor--but as you rightly note, capturing it in a bottle, reliving it in the flesh, is a dangerous, sterile game.
ReplyDeletequiet with intensity... this jumped to my heart somehow...a lot rings in this. your poem is very intense writing as well
ReplyDeleteNice One Shot.
ReplyDelete(I was going to joke that you 'phoned it in' but that's just not true)
One Stop (MDW),
ReplyDeleteThank you! Don't relax me into thinking too well of myself! I'll certainly continue to go back to your site. And look into the submission aspect!
Trulyfool
Gabriela,
ReplyDeleteYou've pinpointed the lonely aspect of this poem -- strong! And perhaps self-delusive.
I like to imagine these moments, but I suspect anything like them would actually harrow a person's life.
Trulyfool
Brian,
ReplyDeleteMy writing often hovers between clarity and obfuscation. It's a fault unless things click.
I suppose you're lucky to be a bit baffled since that may mean you've been untouched by the kind of personal estrangement that this 'setting' suggests.
In response to someone above, I made reference to Hare's 'Plenty', a play/movie about personal crisis and breakdown. I've not gone through anything remotely severe, but I 'have a nose' for it.
Trulyfool
Tess,
ReplyDeleteI begin to yodel myself!
Tfool
hedgewitch,
ReplyDeleteThanks especially for giving notice to the 'craft' of this. I can't get too rationalistic about how these things get put together, but I've developed a 'feel' for what I want in a 'style'.
I'm keenly aware (often) when things go wrong. And I'm happy when the breath of the thing is 'just right' -- content largely secondary, just kept coherent enough to be identifiable.
Trulyfool
Claudia,
ReplyDeleteThe poem does read 'intense' for its subject matter -- distressing, really -- and also for my intention of compacting phrases, rejuxtaposing syntax and sometimes cutting it loose.
I don't have a formula for that, and that's good. But I have an aim to produce in that direction. I'm motivated to push it far.
Trulyfool
Eric,
ReplyDeleteWish I could 'phone these in' -- likely not. When things are too easy, I feel I'm cheating myself.
By the way -- went to your haikus and commented. Good stuff! Also your photos -- very nice!
Tfool
Sublime word choices and flow. Excellent.
ReplyDeleteSteve,
ReplyDeleteThank you for such praise!
Trulyfool